What your teen needs to know when they’ve been rejected

This is an excerpt from ‘Attitude – A handbook for your head‘ by our Attitude team. It’s written as if your teen were reading it and we hope it helps give you ideas on how to start a great chat with them.

You went to the audition – but you didn’t get the role. It hurts to be rejected. Maybe you have discovered that somebody just doesn’t like you – maybe they’ve sent cruel texts or bullied you online. To be pushed out of a group, or to be rejected by another person – ouch! We’ve all been there and it is one of the most painful of human experiences. Don’t pretend it’s not hurting – it hurts! It is a loss, and so we grieve.

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Don’t write a whole book out of 10 words

Don’t assume that just because someone has rejected you that you are ugly or stupid or completely unworthy of anyone else’s attention.

Your self-esteem does not depend on other people – it depends on you. Your real value and worth is that you are you – unique, valuable, gifted, attractive, thoughtful, honourable, kind.

Move on – slowly

The great temptation after a rejection, especially if you have been rejected in a romantic relationship, is to fly into the arms of someone else. ‘Rebound relationships’ really do happen, as people seek to salvage their damaged self-esteem and heal their loneliness. Sadly, because these relationships often happen impulsively and without too much thought, they often end up in rejection and pain as well.

Something more powerful than hate

Resist sliding into bitterness and thoughts of revenge – instead, discover the incredible power of forgiveness. Write a letter or email to the person who hurt you. Describe the feelings you have – and the feelings may be very raw and painful. Then write, “I forgive you.”

The other person may not deserve your forgiveness. But you are releasing something more powerful than hate or even justice. You are releasing something called grace – doing a good thing even when it is not deserved. Usually, you don’t have to hit ‘send’. This letter has already done its work, even without the other person reading it.

The power of your forgiveness will allow you to move on. That person and event can no longer hurt you.


Book a session with a Family Coach

family-coachSometimes family life is way more challenging than we had ever imagined. We would like it to be a lot more enjoyable, if only we knew how. Family coaching is designed to meet you where you are at, whatever stage you are at on your parenting and relationship journey. We want to be on the journey with you. To find out more and to book a session, click here.

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